I was chosen...my mom always told me that they chose me and I was special because of that. From childhood to my rebellious (to say the least) teen years to my trials and tribulations becoming the person I am today there was never any question who my mom was.
People often ask me if I would like to find my "real mom" and I explain to them that my real mom is the one that raised me and cared for me and the women that gave me life is my birth mom - a big distinction.
My relationship with my mom was tumultuous but in our hearts there was always love. Born in the depression years, mom lost her own mother at 8 years old and was shipped off with her 2 sisters to live with their grandparents and at 16 yrs., the three sisters were living on their own. A tough start and I can only assume that my mom's need to not show weakness and to shut people out if she felt slighted was due to a childhood that was less than idealistic. Happiness arrived in my mom's heart when she met my dad in her hometown of Pictou, Nova Scotia. After marrying they moved to Ontario where they would spend 65 years together (something hard to imagine these days!)
When my dad passed last year my mom lost her happiness. She never wanted to be alone and have never been independent. We helped her into respite and then into a retirement home where her anxiety, depression and aging mind led to her eventual placement in long term care. Over the next six months with continuity of care my mom found within herself the strength to carry on, she learned to take care of herself and told me at one point she didn't know she had it in her to be so strong. Her pride and ability to adapt over the last few months made me hopeful that we had turned a corner.
Last week my mom had a fall and shortly thereafter couldn't swallow (not sure what the correlation is or if there is one), we brought her to the hospital and 5 days later it still couldn't be explained and in addition, her kidneys were failing and her heart was damaged. Our best case scenario was that with intense therapy and a feeding tube in her stomach she might regain the ability to swallow some food and get the rest from the tube. Her life could be prolonged but her quality of life was unlikely to improve. In what seemed like a cruel joke, my brother and I had been in this situation with my dad almost 1 year ago and we knew what my mom would have wanted. We made the decision to put her on comfort care and return her to the long term care home she lived in to spend her last days. Last night she passed peacefully and without pain and I hope that she is finding happiness again reunited with my dad.
So mom, thank you for choosing me
Rest in Peace
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| Mom with my first DD |
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